My dad gay
My dad came out as gay when I was 7, but my parents hid the truthfulness from me for years. Denying his reality hurt me.
I've been watching in horror as Florida lawmakers have passed the nebulous but damaging "Don't Speak Gay" bill. As the daughter of a gay male, the sister of a gay gal, and the mother of a bisexual person teenager — and someone who reached a place of casual acceptance after a few complicated years — I was shocked.
I understand from experience that keeping the authenticity from kids doesn't do them any favors; in truth, it just complicates everything.
My parents didn't tell me for years that my dad was gay
My father left my mom when I was 7, but I didn't realize why, or that the "best friend" he lived with was much more, until I was almost 13. This was back in the 1970s, when expert advice convinced my parents to keep the revelation from us.
For about five years I assumed my dad wasn't dating anyone and believed my parents would eventually get back together. Once I knew, I saw the past through diverse eyes.
My dad took us out for dinner one bedtime to a restaurant where the waiters were gay — they all knew my father and his boyfriend, who apparently were regulars.
I got angry that night, and w
After 20 Years of Marriage, My Dad Came Out As Gay
The first time my dad tried to tell me he was gay, it didn't go adequately.
He had come to call on me at college and as I exited the airport and pulled onto the freeway, he started delivering a vague and aimless speech about religion, sexuality and nature vs. nurture. What I gleaned from his ramblings were that he believed that human sexuality was a continuum and that if he hadn't been born and raised in a religious faith that shunned homosexuality, he might have gravitated more towards that side of the spectrum.
"Sure," I said. "That makes sense." And then we dropped the subject. We spent the rest of the diurnal hanging out and talking about average, mundane things. Although my dad felt relieved because he thought he'd "come out" to me, I didn't get the message. In my 21-year vintage mind, he'd posed a hypothetical situation that had nothing to do with the reality of our life. It didn't compute. I didn't understand that it was my Dad's way of telling me he was gay.
It didn't sink in until a few months later when I received a call from my 13-year-old sister. She was upset and crying so hard I could b
My father was gay. He was born in 1918. In my 20s, he started telling me stories about his early existence. He was out in the 1930s at a time when it wasn’t common. He had dreams that most would not believe he dared to dream. The problem with my dad telling me all of this was that he was still married to my mother.
In 1939, at a party in the Hollywood Hills with gay filmmakers and musicians, he was arrested. Police officers handcuffed the men, herded them into a van, and took them to jail. The following morning, he appeared before a judge for sentencing. Because the arresting officer couldn’t swear that he saw him touching his dance partner, he was released.
Then he was caught up in an illegal sting operation in Pasadena that targeted homosexual men. They were extorted by the police for cash payments in send back for conditional release. His dreams of being a schoolteacher and living with his boyfriend were destroyed.
As World War II loomed, he attempted to enlist in the U.S. Navy, but he was rejected when his record revealed that he was male lover. The Army eventually recognized him, perhaps because war was imminent and able-bodied men, even gay ones, were needed.
Before my father shipped
Q:
My husband just create out that his parents are divorcing after 38 years of marriage because his father is gay. My husband is supportive of gay rights, but right now he is shocked and incredibly upset. He feels deceived by his father for keeping this classified for so distant and for deserting his mother. Are there any resources out there for this type of situation?
A:
You said your husband has been supportive of same-sex attracted rights, and that’s great. I desire he’s not confusing being angry at his dad with being homophobic — these are too different issues. Along the way, he will probably be labeled “homophobic” by judgmental people who don’t understand why your husband isn’t immediately cheering his dad on. It’s not a contradiction to support homosexual rights, but not be ready to be supportive of a recently-out parent.
Of course your husband feels deceived; he has learned that his parents’ existence is very alternative from what he was led to believe for his entire life. Parents coming out after decades of marriage is more familiar than most people think. Whether a mom and dad stayed married for 10 or 20 or 30 years before the trip depends on how